Disclaimer: I do not own Merlin BBC. I don’t own Frozen, either.
The vials burst against the wall as Merlin panted and collapsed to the floor. His ten year old frame shook and he started to sob against the stones. “I can’t do it!” he screamed and books flew from the shelves to scatter around Gaius and the boy.
“You held it in for three days,” Gaius said grimly, “That is getting better.”
“It hurts!” Merlin sobbed as more things fell from around the room. Candles lit suddenly and then extinguished themselves. Finally the magical onslaught finished and the boy was left panting curled in a ball. “I can’t hold it in, Gaius; it hurts like I’m being burned from the inside. I’d rather be burned at the stake than hold it in. I’d rather die like the others!”
“Never say that,” the man leaned down and brought the sobbing boy back to his knees. “I will not let that happen.”
“Please,” Merlin begged, “Just let him have me. I can’t control it.”
“You just need to let it loose in little ways, then. Small ways away from other people and away from being seen… you will learn to control this,” Gaius promised the child.
“They scream, the others, and I just want to break everything around me when they die. I can feel it inside of me. I’m a monster and I deserve to be with the rest of the monsters,” the child stood up suddenly and ran for his room. The door opened without prompting and slammed shut without a hand as the boy threw himself onto the slated bed.
Gaius felt inside him break as he heard the sobs on the other side. Merlin’s magic was getting strong with each day and the boy was correct in that he could not hold it inside like they had hoped. He sighed, gathered his bag and went to make his evening rounds. He would clean up the mess of their practice later.
He walked across the court yard and didn’t see the blond boy who ran up the steps of the physician’s tower to the chamber at the top. He slid into the door and paused at the chaos thrown around the room. He could hear his friend sobbing on the other side of his now locked door and went to sit at the top of the steps. “Had a rough day?” he asked. He didn’t get an answer, except that the crying had stopped and soon he heard his friend slide down to sit on the other side of the wood. He never received a verbal answer from Merlin, but it didn’t stop him from coming anyway. “Must have been one horrible tantrum, Merlin, you even ripped some of the books before throwing them!” he laughed.
“I tried begging my father for your release again, today,” he said a bit more quietly. “He won’t have any of it and he won’t tell me why you are locked away like this. Can’t you tell me?” He turned a bit to face the door. “I promise I just want to know why they would lock you away from me. Did we do something wrong?” he put his hand against the door and sighed.
It was silent as ever from the small room. He sighed again and stood up, “Well, I have to go and train with Leon. He’s teaching me to be a knight. Father says that I’ll have to lead them one day, so I guess I’d better get good at it.” He walked down the steps and turned around, “Merlin, when you do want to talk, you know I’ll be here for you.”
His sixteen year old eyes watched as his mentor packed the large bag full of vials and things he needed. “What am I supposed to do while you’re gone?” he asked.
Gaius smiled and sighed. He turned to the boy and put his hands on his shoulders. “Keep practicing. You’re still letting your emotions take control. I’m sure you’ll be fine without me for a few days,” he smiled and put more things he would need into the satchel.
“Can’t I come with you?” he asked as he handed a tunic over from the table.
“No, the king doesn’t want you out of here just yet. You cannot completely control yourself and we don’t need an accident. Don’t let Arthur pull you from here, understand?” he smiled at the down trodden face. He hugged the child, “The king and I will return in a few days. It’s just a small diplomatic thing.”
“Then why are you going?” Merlin asked. He pulled back and felt tears sting his eyes.
“Because the king has an infection and I need to be there to make sure he takes his medicine on time. Merlin, you’ll be fine. You’re a big boy now,” he patted the black haired boy’s shoulder and turned to leave the chambers. “Remember, stay in your bed chamber unless you know this door is locked. I know you know how to do that. Do not let anyone see you. Physician Thomas will take care of things from his own chambers and won’t be in here.” Merlin nodded but felt dread pull down into his stomach as he watched the large doors shut behind the white haired man. Something was going to happen and he just knew it wasn’t going to be pleasant.
The sun was just coming over the side of the castle gates when the sound of the galloping horse broke through his thoughts. He climbed onto his chair to look down into the court yard and see Prince Arthur and the girl, Morgana, greet a messenger from the land that his mentor and the king had visited. As Arthur opened up the note and the young lady beside him both read the missive, she let out a horrible wail and the letter fell to the stone steps as Arthur stood staring into space. Merlin felt his heart stop at the sudden grief the both showed below.
Something horrible had happened, just as he had been warned by his feeling just days ago. Once again the vials on the table behind him shattered as a tear fell down his face. It was the only sign that he knew he was alone now.