I have writers block. Seriously, horrible, bad writers block. I don’t even know what to write on my blog today. I have four stories I can write, but even with outlines nothing is coming to my brain. I’m finding that as my financial situation goes down hill, so does my muse. (That isn’t this kind of blog, though.)
I know how I used to get over writers block when I was a kid. I’d put my headphones in and drown out the world. I’d scream at the top of a high hill over the desert outside of my housing area and then walk back daydreaming. Most of the time, though, I’d clean with my sister. During our cleaning everyday I would come up with a story, another chapter or something new. She’d let me go on and on. I’d pace, clean, do something. Later in my life, I would call her to do the same thing.
Most of what I want to write would not be suitable for public consumption. Some of it would even not fit in with my current story lines. It’d be more mature, maybe, than I really want to publish ever in my life. I feel the need to get some things out, but I know they are not what I should be writing.
I have half a first chapter done for New Camelot: Warlord. I am stumped on how to get the adventure started. I have over three thousand words in my outline just for that book! I should be able to combine it into something over 50 thousand words long. My characters have even hinted about side stories they want me to add into this new book. I want them on paper. I know they should be. Yet, here I am worried about stupid stuff. What if I forget what one of them look like while I’m typing up? Did I put the right age? I know these are things my beta and editor find later, but I’m worried they will miss it. I’m worried that you, my reader, will not want to read it if I screw up the little stuff.
Then I have that last chapter to The Storm. It was huge! I wrote it. I finished it. Then my laptop fried (literally smoke in the drive). Gone! I have to rewrite it. What if it isn’t as good? Does anyone even care anymore if I wrote it? I know 96 reviews on fanfiction.net alone says that people want to see what happens next. I just now need to get into the mood to finish it. I will get there sometime this week. I am determined.
Casey also needs a new chapter. That is where some of the my off-shoot stories are coming in. I have four books outlined for this one series. I don’t even know how adult I want to make these books. I know I could delve deep into the under belly of high school life, or I could keep it a light hearted teenage book about an outsider who becomes popular. I also have the choice to keep it light hearted for my innocent blog and publish the much darker stuff when it is gone to paperback. Do I want to mislead the public that way, though? I might write up a later mini-chapter and publish it under “M” rating on fictionpress to see how it does.
My last book that I’m working on is actually being hand written. I used to write all of my stuff out in notebooks for people to pass around at my high school. They would read the next installment and pass it on. Sometimes I would get things back with notes put into the margin by these friends. I craved this feedback and enjoyed it. I don’t get that same type of feedback on my original fiction anymore. Kind of makes me sad. So, I am bringing back the handwritten first draft for a book of mine. It is in a beautiful hard bound journal. We’ll see if I ever have it transcribed or if it will just become something to be sold after I die (if anyone ever cares to make me popular enough to buy something like that.)
The other thing that is holding me back is my lack of internet access. My phone has run out of data. This blog alone will have to be post dated when I get internet again. That is if I don’t grab the free internet at the grocery store tonight, instead. We’ll see. This lack of internet, though, makes research hard to do. It also makes contacting important people for feedback also very hard. With the need for instant reviews I need internet. I am working on that now. I hopefully will have full access come March (happy birthday to me).
I guess I just need to rant a bit. I’m hoping getting all of this down will mean I can sit tonight and bring about something. Another story. Another chapter. Anything. Let us hope for a new chapter for Casey this week or the last chapter of The Storm. On Saturday I will be able to blast my music and zone out. We’ll just hope that is enough now.
Today’s writing at least got done. It’s something. Sorry this was just drabble and a rant. Nothing interesting.
(Buy links are in the menu on this page if you haven’t bought one of my books. I suggest you check them out. Might be worth a subway ride or a plane flight read!)